40. not dark yet

Everywhere i look, someone is trying to find his/her self. everybody's trying to figure it out..
for years i used to think it was a young person thing, a teenagers peeve. i think these days i realize its a human being thing.

I feel like i've hit a hard brick wall..
At twenty two i know the need to be something better. I am meant to be more than the choices i find hard to make, the things i'm too insecure to discard. And yet, again and again...

But i am tired of being internal - there are few things i can't stand more than standing in a standstill.

I'd like to:
sleep less and do more
write more and more
self consciousness? i've tried for awhile to discard it - now i'm trying to think, why? because it makes me hold back? because it makes me shy? because i think i can be more to people, people more to me.
do more with the time i have

the world is sliding down to hell - when people take stride with what should be incredulous..its bizarre. What will it take to stand?
the country seems to be crumbling at the seams - our leaders throw it away to the dogs for the price of a circus. its a circus of politics and fools, everyday in the papers.
my own tattered lifestyles
the neurosis of this generation

---

Not Dark Yet

Shadows are falling and I've been here all day
It's too hot to sleep time is running away
Feel like my soul has turned into steel
I've still got the scars that the sun didn't heal
There's not even room enough to be anywhere
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

Well my sense of humanity has gone down the drain
Behind every beautiful thing there's been some kind of pain
She wrote me a letter and she wrote it so kind
She put down in writing what was in her mind
I just don't see why I should even care
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

Well, I've been to London and I've been to gay Paree
I've followed the river and I got to the sea
I've been down on the bottom of a world full of lies
I ain't looking for nothing in anyone's eyes
Sometimes my burden seems more than I can bear
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there

I was born here and I'll die here against my will
I know it looks like I'm moving, but I'm standing still
Every nerve in my body is so vacant and numb
I can't even remember what it was I came here to get away from
Don't even hear a murmur of a prayer
It's not dark yet, but it's getting there.

-Bob Dylan