when i was a kid i used to dance, carelessly, in the midst of grown-ups, out of nowhere, driven by nothing but the music, every step in beat -- or so i was told. i remember nothing much, but if i thought about it i remember looking at faint orange lights, i remember the feeling, of not thinking in words,moving without having it cross my mind..i dont know if its just by imagination or a memory trapped in the shadowy nook of the mind where childhood memories lie.
i cannot remember how far back it began that i started calculating and recalculating all my steps, before, during, after. that i started listing things down in my mind in painstaking detail, conscientiously, not deliberately, purposefully.there was always a narrator in the corner, with eyes on me.
this season i am learning to take myself less seriously. its a big deal, for me. .
i'd like to sing, to dance, to write, carelessly again.
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