tug of war

we close our eyes
to pretend that we are not here, stuck in this painfully irreversible situation.
if wishes came true
we would be miles away the moment we shut our eyes
maybe in the same place
but you, i, the circumstances would be different
and we would be happy.

we think of quitting
but only because the circumstances are uncomfortable
as proximity always is
and we've been accustomed to
too much comfort

and so, again and again
we get up, dust ourselves off,
put on the stance
to fight
and again and again
as natural as water
we buckle
because of the one decision we fail to make
over and over
a hundred times over
in three years.

it will bolt or
we will bolt
we will fight or
fly
and say at least we
tried to try

but we are
knee, waist, elbow deep in quicksand
wishing we had steered miles clear and did not
turn blind eyes to the warning signs
which were
obvious as daylight.

i am tired of everything being a struggle.





but because i think i sort of believe
that hope may be necessarily fiercely held onto
which may
then constitute a struggle

i am willing to
re-paint our slates clean
and keep trying
the way we all keep moving on

i still think it may be worth it
i think that may mean something
even if its just the blind fierceness of stubbornly holding on
that there must have,
must have been something worthwhile we've been fighting for.